Sunday, December 28, 2008

Death and Glory?

There's an interesting story development in the family line left by Morrissey, one of ideals that crumble; maybe its true of any parental figure whose values are cherished and then mutated into oblivion. Morrissey is such a moralistic figure, anti-drug, anti-meat, anti-rock and roll, anti-immigration? (i feel almost guilty putting that in.) Pete Doherty sights Morrissey as a huge influence in his teen years. Is it almost predictable that the next generation would rebel? But it's funny, Pete latches on to many ideals Morrissey set down: the Wildean self creation of the "Charming Man," and the literary influence that made the young Doherty a poet. "Used to be a sweet boy, and I'm not to blame, but something went wrong." -Morrissey. But is Morrissey to blame? Was Morrissey's literary fascination with violence(Last of the Famous International Playboys, Jack the Ripper, Boxers), womanizers(Spring Heeled Jim, Tony the Pony, Boyracer) and drugs and lowlifes feed into a narrative that became literal in Pete's life? This is absurd. But Pete's a bookish kid. It might be more real to him than the psychological bullshit you get in rehab. Stories are much more powerful than science. The turn away from Freudian psychoanalysis to cognitive therapy is a turn from the narrative to scientific. Religion, Poetry, Psychoanalysis is much more indulgent, immersive to certain "types."
Is there any exit for Doherty? Death or Glory? It's funny when I hear him criticized for not being talented. I'm not sure who these people are comparing him to. His unraveling is a great performance that people are feeding off of. He travels that line when something beautiful is so close to falling apart. There's a long romantic history that has established a conservative tradition of such an act. Is there a successful exit available for such a tradition ? Suicide, Overdose, Insanity? Has our culture really generated anything else for such people?

Saturday, December 20, 2008

and how you might have changed it all

What gives what helps the intuition?
I know I'll know
I won't have to be shown
The way home
And it's not about a boy
Although although

They can lead you
Break or defeat you

A destination known
Only by the one
Who's fate is overgrown
Piecemeal can break your home in half
A love is not complete with only heat

And they can tease you
Break or complete you

And it came a heat wave
A merciful save
You choose you chose
Poetry over prose
A map is more unreal than where you've been
Or how you feel
A map is more unreal than where you've been
Or how you feel
And it's impossible to tell
How important someone was
And what you might have missed out on
And how he might have changed it all
And how you might have changed it all for him
And how he might have changed it all
And how you might have changed it all for him

Did I, did I
Did I, did I
Did I, did I
Did I, did I
Did I did I miss out on you?"

Baudrillard thought war was the last vestige of the Real that was eventually replaced by the hyperreal during the Gulf War. But it seems there is still the sense of "gut feelings", intuition, and instincts that lingers in the world of the Real. Recently on the NBC news I saw a story about a troop in Afghanistan who was killed by friendly fire. His mom was interviewed and told the camera how she knew her son was going to die, she attributed this prompting to "mother's intuition." I don't mean to simply be skeptic of such claims, I'm not saying it doesn't "happen." I am interested in how we go about validating the emotions that "really matter:" really Real emotions.
Do emotions we experience while watching a movie count? Film induced sadness can linger for a while. Is it the narrative power of a movie that can inject something that seems so real? Likewise can the petit narratives we indulge in "real life" direct what emotions we feel and how to feel them? Is this any less/more artificial? I can't understand the outrage the Muslim communities felt at the blasphemous cartoons of Muhammad, or the passion of Evangelicals speaking in tongues. Likewise I doubt they could understand the sense of joy I felt singing "Shoplifters of the World Unite and Take Over" with other Morrissey fans. You could say these are all the same feelings but really the narrative that directs the feeling, comes before it, is more real than the feeling. It's the "map that precedes the territory."

Saturday, December 13, 2008

"Don't carve me out."

I think i can count the times I have fallen asleep while listening to music on one hand. It's almost impossible for me to fall asleep while anything but white noise muffles everything out, or the rhythm of someones breath. Being alone I can think of 2 songs that have put me to sleep. One was Bjork's "All is Full of Love" the video remix and the other is this song by My Morning Jacket, "Bermuda Highway." I couldn't sleep but I had the chorus in my head, so I went online to find the song, without even knowing its name. I found it fast, downloaded, and put it on repeat. It was putting me in a better room that was dimly lit, with warm browns and purples, wood floors, with "real arms around me" (moz). My own personal Bermuda triangle of nostalgia, one I can't quite get out of at the moment. This song traps me in it without being able to associate it with anything new. There's a longing and comfort that this song induces. I put it on repeat and fell asleep.
It's impossible for this song to be a resting place of beauty. It's never not just in the song. This song already has colors and sensations I can't separate from. It exists in such a time and place ...cirular associations that I can't tell if this song is the logos of beauty or if the referentials made it seem that way.

Sunday, December 7, 2008


I've heard a certain type of entitlement being asked for by "the majority" every now and then and at work recently. When a comment on the radio mentioned gay pride, someone spoke up wondering why they can't have a "straight pride" and wanting to "come out" as a heterosexual. It was said somewhat in jest but probably a sincere inquiry.
It's hard not to be an asshole in these situations, especially at work. Do you just let it go, be silent and passive about it? Speak out and not get listened to? I usually just turn my ipod up and roll my eyes. I tried to give an explanation but I could see the ADD of the listener kicking in half way through. I got bored of my own rebuttal.
The complaint is based around not just a desire to have an attribute of identity validated but more of an assumption that existing as "something" deserves respect, which is not what having "Gay pride" is about. Being proud to be gay isn't saying "because I exist as a homosexual I deserve respect", which is the assumption behind being proud to be straight, white, and/or male derives it's worth. But it isn't simple "existence" that demands Pride. It is existence in the face of opposition, an assertion of self worth where it has been denigrated. Why straight white males are so in love with themselves that they have to be the biggest and best of all is the real question. When such attributes like White power is mentioned it has nothing to do with reclaiming dignity, or asserting something that has been denied, it is a statement of superiority based on a worldview that belittles anything different than white straight males. Simply existing as such deserves respect according to their worldview.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

"Let it die and get out of my mind...

the saddest part of a broken heart isn't the ending so much as the start."

some songs you can relate to in reverse. not as the singer but the one being sung to. those are infinitely more painful.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Ethics of Uncertainty

There is very little support of Post-Structuralism/Deconstructionism in America. I can't say that I have ever had a teacher that thought it was that worthwhile. I've heard American newpapers call it the "French Disease." Others complain it leads to a dead end. That it leaves no room for development or philosophical progress. Another common criticism is that it is more beneficial to the Right than the Left, simply because unlike a Modernist Progressive doctrine that validates a humanistic, secular, scientific worldview, Post structural readings of cultural can validate all worldviews and in effect throws it's hands up in determining if there is any way of objectively determining if there is a good one out there.
To take a literary practice and apply it to ethics is misleading, but tempting. When we look at issues of identity: race, gender, sexual orientation, nationality..etc i feel it is a good tactic to apply a measure of deconstruction to our readings of the signs of such identity markers. There is no certain way to know if someone is gay. well of course you can ask, "are you gay" but I'm talking much more texturally. But even an affirmative answer doesn't say much. There is still the issue of intent, what does "gay" mean to that person? I realize this radical uncertainty is unnecessary but I feel it is a more thorough reading of the semiotics of identity. The terms we use to identify ourselves are themselves not ours, they are borrowed, traded, politicized, historicized; they mean nothing certain. Such readings hollow out any essential characteristics of men, women, gays, straighties, whites and blacks ,,etc. To develop an ethic based on uncertainty suspends judgment, which is dangerous at times. It asks to suspend your intuition when it comes to social cues, to the natural world...can't you read?

Wednesday, November 5, 2008


The idea of separation between church and state is a semantic euphemism. Why even pretend to have it a principle? If it was stated more clearly as "separation between world view and governing principles" it would come out being an almost impossible feet. Any political stance is an enactment based on how one sees the world operating. The Right has a way of obfuscating direct religious interest into secular concern. Instead of directly stating "because of my religious upbringing I feel homosexuality is an abomination," the right argues that gay marriage is unhealthy for childhood development, an upset in semantic tradition, and whatever else they can use to their advantage. Likewise, the US' support of Israel is religiously motivated, I mean America wants to be on Israel's side when Jesus comes back, why would you otherwise turn a blind eye towards their human rights violations, their humiliating occupation of Palestine? Abortion becomes a women health issue instead of a religious one, whatever the issue is a politically correct justification has to be given instead of the true feelings that inspires the political stances. It's funny how the Right is so annoyed with being politically correct and how it criticizes the secularization. This resentment stems from their own use of such tactics.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Gallery piece

ihate typing on a keyboard. So now im using a "pen" and a warm tablet to write , then the computer translates my hand writing in to text. I can also "paint" with this thing as you can see from the "painting "above.i love this thing, but it does make errors so watch out, cause in too lazy to use the keyboard ever again,

Sunday, October 26, 2008

please please please

My Buddy Jeff is back in town and I'm super excited to record his new material. Jeff is such a nice dude. So sincere and unpretentious. His songs reflect both a dude who's been through it yet still is upbeat. Here is a rough mix of the song we recorded tonight with backing vocals by Becky, who I just met so I don't know her last name.

Follow this link to hear "come back to me"LISTEN to "come back to me"

Saturday, October 25, 2008

women as lovers

I have a poster in my living room from this album, depicting a nude figure bound at he feet and hands with the lines from the song "the Leash" from the album "Women as Lovers." The lines from the song state" to have lied to a lover, if for want of a pure touch, to be common, to be seen as I am." I recently had my parents over for a visit, and as my mom left she asked if I could take the poster down next time she came over. It seemed funny to me at the time.
This album, taken from the Jenilek novel of the same name, is bogged down with the classic identity issues of subjectivity and objectivity. I haven't read the novel but from the title and the issues in the Xiu Xiu album, it seems to recall the same issues that Luce Irigaray develops in her work "The Sex Which is Not One". maybe i'm just drunk right now, I am(HI CHRIS!!!LOVE YOU BUDDY), but the titles even refer to each other.
listening to "women as lovers" has made me dwell on so many issues from the mentioned to themes to how those themes define so many issues in our society: Israeli(subject)/Palestinian(object), Americans(subject)/Native Americans(object), Men(subject)/Women(object), Good(subject)/Evil(object).....yet Baudrillard in his
"Intelligence of Evil" says, "Evil has no objective reality. Quite the contrary, it
consists in diverting of things from their "objective" existence, in their reversal, their return."...from which i draw means some sort of return to a Subject speaking evil, for if the Good is to really fight the Evil, the good can't just objectify evil as something to fight against, the Good must assume that the Evil takes on a subjective voice that "speaks evil" as Baudrillard insists. This reversal gives validation to the cause of the Good. It's not enough to simply want to believe that the Evil sees itself as "good," thereby empathizing with it, Evil cannot Subject itself as the Good and have "good" intentions, Evil must speak "evil" to warrant the wrath of the "good."
What is odd is both Baudrillard and Foucault agree that Violence is neither evil(in baudrillardian terms) or power(in foucaultian terms), but of a different order altogether. So I wonder about the first lines of the song "The Leash," Perseus holds the head of Medussa, oh how I wish i could be her." The final word holds us in suspense. Instant a reversal of subjectivity is implied, from the Hero to the Villain. If the poster in my room implies anything it is asking a question of where the line between subjectivity and objectivity is drawn in bondage/s&m. If the role of master or servant is willingly agreed to, both to feel pleasure ( as seen in Jenilek's novel "The Piano Teacher") then all bets are off, subjectivity is an undecidable feature in the mix. The video "Master of the Bump" recalls such imagery.
"to be common, to be seen as I am" Is this line begging for a draw in the subjectivity/objectivity game? Can the object see the subject as an object and is there any real connection("pure touch")?
My favorite movie that deals with this topic is "Notre Musique" by Godard. Highly recommended. In the end an Israeli student is frustrated by her subjective stance to the Palestinian occupation that she becomes a suicide bomber and asks other Israeli's to join her, in the end she is shot alone with no bomb on her.

Friday, October 17, 2008

In my room

I get off mind numbing work and come home around 12 at night. I know its a bad idea to eat or watch tv or anything in bed if you have sleeping problems, yet I don't care. Since I got my new laptop I spend a great deal of time with it in bed, yes, in bed. I have been using it as a sketch pad for music ideas quite regularly, and even though I could record using my other system with nice preamps, eqs, and compressors I love just plugging in to an 1/8th inch jack and jotting down ideas in my bed. Maybe because when I was young I would draw and paint in bed all night. So here is one sketch that I did.


Sunday, October 12, 2008

Flickin' through a little book of sex tips

I can't get this out of my head:

Fluorescent Adolescent

You used to get in your fishnets
now you only get it in your night dress
discarded all the naughty nights for niceness
landed in a very common crisis
everythings in order in a blackhole
nothing seems so pretty as the past though
that bloody mary is lacking in tobasco,
remember when you used to be a rascal?

A great song about longing for the spice you lose domesticating your life.
I love how British these boys sound.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Nature is a Language

"Nature is a language can't you read?"
The implied obviousness of this question is ironic and perhaps totally unintended. Morrissey tackled the apparent naturalness of nature in a number of The Smiths songs: "if the day came when I feel a natural emotion, I'd get such a shock I'd probably jump in the ocean..", " I could have been wise and I could have been free but nature played this trick on me.", "Will nature make a man of me yet?"," Love is natural and real but not for such as you and I my love." etc. The lyrics indicate a character who is somehow outside nature, someone for whom nature doesn't work with. In the song "Ask" Morrissey's Nature, the shy and coy one, is unable to socially communicate his intentions and hopes the other one will ask him to participate in something natural. The lyrics to " Girl Afraid", "Stretch Out and Wait," "Seasick yet still Docked" all portray a struggle with a desire to join in the impulses of the natural world, but this crippling barrier of not only shyness but an uncertainty of social cues and desires prevents him of making a move. The line "Nature is a Language" can suggest a deconstructed and debilitating uncertainty in the natural/social world. Derrida, Paul de Man, and Barbara Johnson all point out the undecidable nature of language usage. If Nature is a language then the same undecidable characteristics plague it as well, the signs perhaps don't signify what is intended or anything certain at all.

My Old Blogger

My Old Blog

Im moving out of a profound laziness. It's about two clicks more complicated to log into that old blog so ...this is the new one.