Thursday, January 29, 2009

4 am boredom= mediocre creativity


OK this is a little ditty i did last night at around 4 am. anyone want to do a vocal track on this? that would be cool, Im thinking broadcast, stereolab, portishead, some vibe like that.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Death and Glory?

There's an interesting story development in the family line left by Morrissey, one of ideals that crumble; maybe its true of any parental figure whose values are cherished and then mutated into oblivion. Morrissey is such a moralistic figure, anti-drug, anti-meat, anti-rock and roll, anti-immigration? (i feel almost guilty putting that in.) Pete Doherty sights Morrissey as a huge influence in his teen years. Is it almost predictable that the next generation would rebel? But it's funny, Pete latches on to many ideals Morrissey set down: the Wildean self creation of the "Charming Man," and the literary influence that made the young Doherty a poet. "Used to be a sweet boy, and I'm not to blame, but something went wrong." -Morrissey. But is Morrissey to blame? Was Morrissey's literary fascination with violence(Last of the Famous International Playboys, Jack the Ripper, Boxers), womanizers(Spring Heeled Jim, Tony the Pony, Boyracer) and drugs and lowlifes feed into a narrative that became literal in Pete's life? This is absurd. But Pete's a bookish kid. It might be more real to him than the psychological bullshit you get in rehab. Stories are much more powerful than science. The turn away from Freudian psychoanalysis to cognitive therapy is a turn from the narrative to scientific. Religion, Poetry, Psychoanalysis is much more indulgent, immersive to certain "types."
Is there any exit for Doherty? Death or Glory? It's funny when I hear him criticized for not being talented. I'm not sure who these people are comparing him to. His unraveling is a great performance that people are feeding off of. He travels that line when something beautiful is so close to falling apart. There's a long romantic history that has established a conservative tradition of such an act. Is there a successful exit available for such a tradition ? Suicide, Overdose, Insanity? Has our culture really generated anything else for such people?

Saturday, December 20, 2008

and how you might have changed it all

What gives what helps the intuition?
I know I'll know
I won't have to be shown
The way home
And it's not about a boy
Although although

They can lead you
Break or defeat you

A destination known
Only by the one
Who's fate is overgrown
Piecemeal can break your home in half
A love is not complete with only heat

And they can tease you
Break or complete you

And it came a heat wave
A merciful save
You choose you chose
Poetry over prose
A map is more unreal than where you've been
Or how you feel
A map is more unreal than where you've been
Or how you feel
And it's impossible to tell
How important someone was
And what you might have missed out on
And how he might have changed it all
And how you might have changed it all for him
And how he might have changed it all
And how you might have changed it all for him

Did I, did I
Did I, did I
Did I, did I
Did I, did I
Did I did I miss out on you?"

Baudrillard thought war was the last vestige of the Real that was eventually replaced by the hyperreal during the Gulf War. But it seems there is still the sense of "gut feelings", intuition, and instincts that lingers in the world of the Real. Recently on the NBC news I saw a story about a troop in Afghanistan who was killed by friendly fire. His mom was interviewed and told the camera how she knew her son was going to die, she attributed this prompting to "mother's intuition." I don't mean to simply be skeptic of such claims, I'm not saying it doesn't "happen." I am interested in how we go about validating the emotions that "really matter:" really Real emotions.
Do emotions we experience while watching a movie count? Film induced sadness can linger for a while. Is it the narrative power of a movie that can inject something that seems so real? Likewise can the petit narratives we indulge in "real life" direct what emotions we feel and how to feel them? Is this any less/more artificial? I can't understand the outrage the Muslim communities felt at the blasphemous cartoons of Muhammad, or the passion of Evangelicals speaking in tongues. Likewise I doubt they could understand the sense of joy I felt singing "Shoplifters of the World Unite and Take Over" with other Morrissey fans. You could say these are all the same feelings but really the narrative that directs the feeling, comes before it, is more real than the feeling. It's the "map that precedes the territory."

Saturday, December 13, 2008

"Don't carve me out."

I think i can count the times I have fallen asleep while listening to music on one hand. It's almost impossible for me to fall asleep while anything but white noise muffles everything out, or the rhythm of someones breath. Being alone I can think of 2 songs that have put me to sleep. One was Bjork's "All is Full of Love" the video remix and the other is this song by My Morning Jacket, "Bermuda Highway." I couldn't sleep but I had the chorus in my head, so I went online to find the song, without even knowing its name. I found it fast, downloaded, and put it on repeat. It was putting me in a better room that was dimly lit, with warm browns and purples, wood floors, with "real arms around me" (moz). My own personal Bermuda triangle of nostalgia, one I can't quite get out of at the moment. This song traps me in it without being able to associate it with anything new. There's a longing and comfort that this song induces. I put it on repeat and fell asleep.
It's impossible for this song to be a resting place of beauty. It's never not just in the song. This song already has colors and sensations I can't separate from. It exists in such a time and place ...cirular associations that I can't tell if this song is the logos of beauty or if the referentials made it seem that way.

Sunday, December 7, 2008


I've heard a certain type of entitlement being asked for by "the majority" every now and then and at work recently. When a comment on the radio mentioned gay pride, someone spoke up wondering why they can't have a "straight pride" and wanting to "come out" as a heterosexual. It was said somewhat in jest but probably a sincere inquiry.
It's hard not to be an asshole in these situations, especially at work. Do you just let it go, be silent and passive about it? Speak out and not get listened to? I usually just turn my ipod up and roll my eyes. I tried to give an explanation but I could see the ADD of the listener kicking in half way through. I got bored of my own rebuttal.
The complaint is based around not just a desire to have an attribute of identity validated but more of an assumption that existing as "something" deserves respect, which is not what having "Gay pride" is about. Being proud to be gay isn't saying "because I exist as a homosexual I deserve respect", which is the assumption behind being proud to be straight, white, and/or male derives it's worth. But it isn't simple "existence" that demands Pride. It is existence in the face of opposition, an assertion of self worth where it has been denigrated. Why straight white males are so in love with themselves that they have to be the biggest and best of all is the real question. When such attributes like White power is mentioned it has nothing to do with reclaiming dignity, or asserting something that has been denied, it is a statement of superiority based on a worldview that belittles anything different than white straight males. Simply existing as such deserves respect according to their worldview.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

"Let it die and get out of my mind...

the saddest part of a broken heart isn't the ending so much as the start."

some songs you can relate to in reverse. not as the singer but the one being sung to. those are infinitely more painful.